Friday, October 3, 2014


Hi. My name is...Whatever You Call Me ;) 


'Cause you look a little lonely. I'll make you scream. 

Hey! I'll make you laugh. 

Cover your body in my autograph. 

So let's get undressed. 'Cause I wanna see you... 



A lot of things have changed in the recent past. One change in particular is that I'm no longer in a band. That upheaval has caused me to push forward and get aggressive about the music I really want to do. I have nothing against people who are married with kids and live in the suburbs with day jobs outside the creative field. I truly don't, but those individuals end up having to put music second. Also, the music they eventually find time to make lacks the edge, youthfulness and sexiness that I actually want to perform. What are they gonna write about? Whose turn it is to take the kids to soccer practice? Ugh! 

Look. My black isn't cracking (too much), but I'm getting on up there. I've got to tap into the sexy while I still have it. I'm writing with a few artists and planning my own music collective, products, website and I'm continuing to develop my brand. I'm ready to see where all this ends up going. Wherever it is, I hope you'll come along for the ride.

Until the original tunes come along, you can catch me singing some John Legend in a fundraiser with Moonbox Productions October 20th. I'll also be performing a few songs in a concertized version of Hair October 25th at Cotuit Center for the Arts

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

BeaUtY bEAuTy

Because sex sells...

And I know about selling sex ;) 

Friday, December 6, 2013

Give Me Bade (BAH day)

I Feel Good

I walk along
But then I trip over myself and I fall
I stand up and then I’m okay

So Do What U Want, what you want with my body
Do what you want. Don’t stop; let’s party 
(Write what you want. Say what you want about me 
If you’re wondering, know that I’m not sorry)
Do what you want, what you want with my body

What you want with my body?

You can’t have my heart and you won’t use my mind BUT
Do what you want with my body. Do what you want with my body
You can’t stop my voice 'cause YOU DON'T OWN MY LIFE but
Do what you want with my body

Do what you want with *my* body

Early morning, longer nights
Tom Ford, private flights
Crazy schedule, fast life
I wouldn’t trade it in 'cause it’s our life

(Let's slow it down)

I could be the drink in your cup
I could be the green in your blunt
Your pusher man
Yeah I got what you want
You wanna escape
All of the crazy shit
You’re the Marilyn and...

I'm the president

And I love to hear you say, girl:

"Do what I want, do what I want with your body
Do what I want, do what I want with your body"

Back of the club taking shots getting naughty
No invitations - it’s a private party ;)

(Do what I want, do what I want with your body
Do what I want, do what I want with your body)
Yeah we're taking these haters and we're roughing ‘em up
And we lay in the club like we don’t give a F#%&

Sometimes I’m scared I suppose if you ever let me go
I would fall apart if you break my heart
So just take my body and don’t stop the party

You can’t have my heart and you won’t use my mind but
Do what you want with my body. DO WHAT YOU WANT with my body
You can’t stop my voice 'cause you don’t own my life but
Do what you want with my body

DO what you want with MY BODY

Do what you want with me
What you want with my body
Do what you want with me
What you want with my body
Do what you want with me
What you want with my body
Do what you want with me
What you want with my body, world

Friday, November 8, 2013

I Know. I Need to Shave. Everything. But Just Read the Damn Blog Entry and Shut the Hell Up ;)

I wake up and first thing’s first: I’m of service. I make sure your needs are met; I’m so selfless. I give hard and serve hard and now...

I need a break.
I give big. I give all and now...

It's time to DEGENERATE.
Today’s ALL about me. All about cup-filling. Today’s ALL about me!*
Learning how to receive. How to receive? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

I move on through offerings often one-sided. Being this low on list of worth (over extended), I give hard, provide hard and now...

I need some relief
I look out, I proffer and now...

I need some respite indeed!
My habit to love you first in me remainders**. Favoring you is so knee-jerk: leaves me a stranger. I give hard and fight hard and now...

I need to retreat.
I give out, dedicate and now...

I need to acknowledge me!

*Repetition is vastly underrated.
**Ummm....I don't know what that means either

Oh Alanis. I know your song is about remembering to take care of oneself in the spiritual sense. Yet, it has become my Anthem Against Total Bottoms. Well, that and I'm a narcissistic bastard. "All about me" are definitely lyrics I can relate to. Come on now. I'm just kidding. But speaking of things I'm doing, I'm performing with my band at PRECINCT BAR in Somerville MA on November 16th. Set time is 9p. Come! 

Here's a snippet of our latest recording. It's not *anywhere* else yet. I'm telling you this now: The composer, who happens to be the guitarist, would kill me dead if he were to know I'm leaking this. When he sent me the dropbox link, I had to hold my phone up to GarageBand to record the audio, export that shit to iTunes and create another SoundCloud page. I think he follows me on my regular SoundCloud. Whew! All this for a 34 second snippet. Really? Yes really because I am killing those harmonies. Yes. I. Am. 

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Rolling Stone(d): Sticky Fingers

Have you ever met people who aren't used to being told "no?" They're insufferable. Have you ever met people who aren't used to being told "yes?" They're insufferable. Life hangs in the balance. For the good of the universe, I try to keep my black ass in balance because I am a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) when my scales are off. When I have reached the point where I don't give a fuck, everybody's gettin' cussed out: old people, the wheelchair-bound, kids, my parents, a boss...e-ve-ry-bo-TEE. Since I know that, I stay sweet. (If you even try to refute me on how sweet I am, I'll fucking cut you!)

But seriously, I have been a little grumpy the past 24 hours. Sure, I turn 38 today, but I have no issues with that. I'm spending next week in Vegas with a friend and am definitely in high spirits about the trip. I'm getting it all the way in. I think I've been grumpy because I need a serious deep dicking, like no bullshit. From a hot dude please and thank you. I'm balancing out my sex life and TRYING to be more of a bottom, but very few dudes are really buying it. I mean, what do I have to do? Scream from the rooftop: I LIKE TO FUCKING GET FUCKED TOO! HELLO!!!

I was chatting with a super hot Spaniard yesterday. Unfortunately, I had to shut him down because 2. he listed being a bottom in his profile and 1. I already told you I had an attitude yesterday (because I needed to fuck! Yes, I cut my nose off to spite my face. Being an ass kept me from getting ass.) When I told him why I wasn't interested, he said "I like to flip, too." Yeah, right. There was not a dick pic anywhere. I know exactly how that shit would've gone down. He'd have gotten fucked (very well and I do say so), gotten his nutt and "flipped" right the hell out the bed. (Damn I should've fucked him.) Nope! I've been waaay on down that road too many times. The only ones getting this dick right now are the ones who are looking for ass first. (Unless he's mad sexy, then I'll just pound him.)

I shouldn't get so riled up about this whole top/bottom thing. I'm really starting to be a baby about this. After all, I LOVE ASS. Trying to prevent my head from whipping around to look at a phat booty walking by is like trying to sneeze with my eyes open. It's just not happening. Still, my main issue with total bottoms is the idea of them doing all the receiving and none of the giving. It's just not fair! (Stomping off to my room with pigtails flying.)

Umm, I kinda really don't know why I went off on that tangent. Now I feel bad :-/ I should smoke.

You are not alone, Wheat Thins. You are not alone.
If it weren't for your maturity none of this would've happened.
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself.
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful.
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much.

This could be messy*, but you don't seem to mind. Don't go telling everybody and (just) overlook this supposed crime.

We'll fast forward to a few years later: No one knows except the both of us. I have honored your request for silence and you've washed your hands clean of this.

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me. You're a kind of protege and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me. I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian. I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it...

What part of our history's reinvented and Under Rug Swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget? What? With this distance? It seems so obvious.

Just make sure you don't tell on me, especially to members of your family. We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse. I wish I could tell the world 'cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done-up properly. I might want to marry you one day, if you watch that weight and you keep your firm body. (((SLAP)))

Hand *not* clean

*Not so much messy as squelchy. I believe that's the hottest sound in sex. Period.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Hi. Bruce Wayne.

Man of Mystery?
Your favorite hero might say a lot about you. Does he fly in from the sky and is born of another planet, or is he simply the seemingly random person you just met online who gives you a couch to sleep on? Or is your hero even male? I wasn't into superheroes growing up, but I do like Batman. He doesn't have superpowers and he isn't an extraterrestrial. He just has great tech gadgets, style and lots of money. Essentially 007 in tights. But as with any great crusader, there's the inevitable underlying darkness that compels and precedes the do-gooding. And, naturally, vigilante slappings (usually against perceived evil) ensue.

My smokey ass Bat/Fap Cave
I'm not so into heros. I think they're ultimately about having someone else fix your life and do all the things you don't have the patience or balls to do. Nobody's stopping you from standing up and making a citizen's arrest. No one's going to stop you from getting a citizen's ass whuppin' either. But hey, you can step up. I do, however, find the love interests of heros to be compelling. Vicky Vail, Lois Lane, Mary Magdalene. If you really want to know how super a man is, don't read the Twitter feeds. Just ask the one who's sucking his dick. I've created so many script ideas over the years and, in almost every single case, I've written myself as the love interest. Besides the inevitable fact that romantic interests always get kidnapped and usually end up dead, it's nice to feel wanted :)

Another facet of being a hero is having to hide all the damn time. I don't mind having an alter ego/stage name, but I don't want a secret identity. I'd want people to know to whom to address all the thank you cards, presents and personal porn videos. And presents. As this very transparent blog will attest, I'm not very good at hiding myself. I like to let it all hang out.

Not. Shy.
I'm also no good at being nice to ungrateful motherfuckers. If I save your ass from a burning building or rescue you from the possibility of a real ass beating, I bet' not neva have to pay for another beer in your presence again. Ever. Period. And would it kill you to name all your children after me? Would it? I really don't think that's asking for much. Additionally, ixnay on being a martyr, which is oftentimes a huge part of being The Savior. Things would've been very different if I'd been Christ at the Inter-Dimensional Quik-E Mart:

"Sup, dude? Yeah just this watermelon Slushee and these Macaroni and Nacho-Cheesier Curly Fried Pork Blasts. What, bro? Can you repeat that? I'm high as shit right now. Oh yeah. Sure. I'll be charitable and make a one-time contribution to the Save the Human Race-a-Thon. All right. You say that's two dollars and I GOTTA DO WHAT? Uh-hell no. Good luck with salvation, bitches. I'm out." Sluuurp

No one can deny that martyrdom does make for a great story, though. Joan of Arc. (Those bangs have gone down in herstory. But still nope. You're not setting my ass on fire. Not even for a bunch of musky, erect, I meant enraged townsmen.) Martin Luther King, Jr. (Nuh uh. He could've just said, "Look. Y'all ni**as need to chill. And stop aggravating all these white people!") Vladimir Putin. (Oh wait. He's still alive and he's still an asshole.)

So maybe I wouldn't care to be a superhero. Super rich would be nice, though. I'd love to have someone clean up my apartment after all my friends leave. Because as of right now, I am cleaning up after me and all my friends. I swear they all must share a secret checklist that clearly includes, but is damn sure not limited to, the dirtying of every dish and towel in sight; the wearing of my clothes ("Yo, can I borrow a pair of shorts to chill in? It's hot in here." Yeah it's summer, ni**a. I live on the second floor and you come here all the time. You already know it's hot. sigh Here."); the drinking of every beer and drop of liquor in the house (I've taken tequila shots before 11a in my kitchen a few times); the ordering of food and not paying for it; and the smoking of all my damn weed!!! On second thought, I don't need anybody else to clean up after these knuckleheads. These are exactly the people and situations that make me happiest and give my life the most meaning. I haven't saved anybody's kitten from a tree today (yet). But I feel pretty incredible because I've got amazing friends. And I think that's what it's all really about.

I'm singing here September 21st ten minutes past 4:20.

Miss Manners Says:
Don't talk with your ass full. It's rude.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Pay-Per-View During the Rapture

Caution: New geetarist ahead
For all my MENSA striving and studying, I am still so incredibly ridiculous. I was sitting on the couch smoking last week just thinking of how the tips of my fingers had been sore-slash-numb the past several days. So strange, right? (Yeah, when you don't think about it.) Few people know this about me, but I immediately go to that place. I thought, "oh I've got fingertip cancer. I knew this shit was gonna happen. Oh well. Better get that looked at Monday," (riiiiiiiiiiip the bowl). Then it dawned on me. Stupid, you've been practicing on metal-ass-strings. You don't have cancer yet.

Speaking of doom and gloom mentality run amok, I've got to give it up for the recent slew of end-of-civilization-as-we-know-it story lines everywhere - After Earth (LOVED), World War Z, The Purge, another season of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta - It's like Hollywood went en masse to get tarot readings and they all pulled the Tower card. Should there actually be a Rapture, I am most certainly going to still be down here* hanging out with the rest of you who are reading this blog. I'm just kidding. (I'm not going to be hanging out with you.)

But if some of us are left behind, can we still get take-out? Will weed be legal everywhere then? Will there still be cable? Internet? Don't worry if these thoughts have never crossed your mind. You have to be pretty damn high to wonder about this shit. In all seriousness, I don't believe in that whole cataclysmic, Final Battle/Armageddon situation. The only Final Battles I care about are on The Voice. And when they got rid of Judith Hill, I said "fuck 'em." Judith Hill? JUDITH HILL?!?!?! Three things about her blind audition: opening pose and hair (okay four things - I died); Usher and Adam's almost immediate, synchronicitous turn (she barely got the whole line out); and the fact that she made Usher stand up and scream.

Personal Fun Fact: Sometimes I laugh uncontrollably after I cum. Is that weird? This video sent me over the edge after several orgasmless days with my parents in North Carolina! Not only is there NOTHING like watching and receiving good oral, the top looks like someone I probably blow...know. I meant know!

*What? They were both 20 and 21. They're legal.

Uh oh! Overflow, population, common group, but it'll do. Save yourself; serve yourself. World serves its own needs. LISTEN to your heart bleed. Tell me with the Rapture and the reverent in the right...right. You: vitriolic/patriotic. Slam? (((Fight!!!))) Bright light.

Feeling. Pretty. Psyched.

It's the...

(Transmission Lost)


Not rice, bitches

Label Whore

Sexual Labels

Gay for pay, straight but will suck a dick if it's Tuesday and I haven't had my coffee yet (which is essentially gay for pay) and don't even get me started on women. A hasbean is a woman who used to be a lesbian. Look. In the immortal words of Nene Leakes, "I get it." (Random.) But there is a point where it becomes delusional and unhealthy to call a bowl a fork. I love that these types of people don't let anybody tell them who they are or what they should be doing within their self-described orientations, but come on. You're getting pounded on the regular by trannies who finish on your face, bro. Maybe you're a little gay. That's all I'm saying.

But is it really anyone else's business how we label? De jure sexuality v de facto. (Anybody care to ring up Morocco on this one?) Straight bottoms (pegging), anal-averse gay men (weird), enharmonic chords (F# / G flat), the platypus (#$%*). Yep. You already guessed it. These things exist solely to fuck with and confuse the shit out of us. But I do understand not wanting to skee-doodle down the Hershey Super Highway sometimes, though. It's a lot of work preparing for anal sex. It takes a village to clean an asshole. (Feel free to use that one.) Not everybody understands that shit, which is why I'm giving this ass a break.

Whoa! When did my ass get so hairy?  

Okay. Break's over. Come get it.

If the end truly is near
This is all I want to hear

And speaking of singing, check out me and my band June 21st in (the Republic of) Cambridge at Cantab Lounge at 9p. We're on first, so bring it*.

*Including, but not limited to: weed, hoes, boots, chips, candy corn. You know, the good shit.